How Being Married to a Workaholic Impacts Your Marriage

Do you often feel like work gets in the way of your relationship? If so, it may be time to re-evaluate work and the impact it has on you and your partner. “The pull between work and family has never been greater,” says psychology expert Barbara Killinger, Ph.D. “Although there is much talk about work-life balance today, it remains elusive for too many workaholic families.”

More specifically, leaving work at the office is more difficult now, than ever before, since employees can virtually work anywhere in the world and be accessible at any time. As a result, the lack of boundaries within the workplace generally leads to unhealthy marriages, as workaholic spouses can often sacrifice their personal lives to get ahead at work, usually at the expense of their partner and family health. The good news? If you’re able to recognize the signs of being overcommitted to work, you can begin to change the trajectory of your marriage and start the process of mending your spousal relationship and family dynamics.

Ahead, we consulted with Dr. Killinger on everything you need to know about being, or being married to, a workaholic. Read on to learn about the impact overworking can have on your relationship, in addition to expert advice on how to achieve a healthy work-life balance.

What Is a Workaholic?

To start, it’s essential to define the difference between a workaholic and a hard worker, as these two descriptors are vastly different. Specifically, a workaholic is someone who works compulsively at the cost of sleep, health, and spending time with loved ones, while a hard worker can still have a balanced life, leave work at the office, and be emotionally present and engaged when home or away from work.

Furthermore, if you notice several of the following traits in your husband or wife, or even within yourself, take a critical look at your or your partner’s relationship with work, as this may indicate signs of workaholism.

• Work is their number one priority.
• They miss out on life events for work.
• They are financially stable yet work excessively.
• Your family complains that they work too much.
• They try to find ways to make more time for work.
• Being unable to work seriously stresses them out.
• Missing work due to illness or injury puts them in a panic.
• Hobbies and leisure are sacrificed due to work.
• The amount they work has negatively impacted their health.
• They find a way to work even if sick or injured.
• They rarely take vacations, and if they do, they still work while out of the office.
• They always bring work home with them.
• They find it hard to be “in the moment” because they are thinking about work.

How Working Too Much Affects a Marriage

Working too much affects marriages because spouses of workaholics can feel estranged and disconnected from their partners. “The spouse who has become well aware of coming in second in a list of priorities begins to lose confidence in [their] own desirability,” says Dr. Killinger. As a result, a power struggle can ensue in the relationship as the workaholic becomes more autonomous.

A workaholic can also potentially experience angry outbursts over little incidences due to guilt from working too much, and these outbursts can take a toll on a marriage and family over time. To further exacerbate the problem, a partner who expresses their feelings about their spouse working too much could be met with hostility and anger. Workaholics could even begin to expect a spouse to cater to their needs, as they are the ones busy and working all the time. As their entitlement grows, discord in the marriage could result, as well.

How to Prevent Work from Hurting Your Marriage

Understanding the importance of creating boundaries and drawing a definitive line between work and home life is essential to maintaining a healthy balance in a marriage. For example, small steps like ensuring the master bedroom isn’t used as a home office, turning cell phones and other devices off during family time, setting aside time for hobbies and leisure, and not using work as an excuse to avoid household chores are some ways to mitigate workaholic habits. You or your spouse can also actively ensure that work doesn’t negatively impact your relationship by scheduling time at least once a week to spend together and being diligent about sticking to normal work hours as often as possible.

If you find that either you or your partner can’t put life in balance, get professional help through counseling or executive coaching. “Intimacy is an expressed goal for many recovering workaholic couples,” Dr. Killinger says. “Their struggle is a challenging but exciting journey. Exploring one’s own strengths and personal weaknesses plays an important role in this journey.”